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Dr Halberd learns to laugh!

Greetings, fellow seekers of obscurities, It is I, Dr. T Halberd, with some new revelations about the secret cult in our midst!  For many years, I have been convinced of the existence of an underground order of augers and theurgists which operate in Southern New Jersey and sometimes well, well beyond.  What their nefarious objectives are, I cannot yet say, although their surreptitiousness implies they have some devious malice in mind for us all!

The master is not happy
The master is not happy

But to the point, a student brought a startling piece of new evidence to me in return for changing his grade, which I happily did.  The article he delivered was a small piece of wax-paper, partially burnt, which had abundant traces of pizza sauce upon it.  Instantaneously, I surmised that it was some critical piece of information that had been transmitted by a pizza delivery person—where the pizza itself, obscured the message until eaten.  I eagerly set about working out the meaning of the strange characters over two bottles of Château Lafite-Rothschild.

Within, I discerned some strange words that seemed to reference some hidden hatchway, or perhaps a gateway that leads to a different dimension.  Apparently, these people are able to pass through this hatchway and travel to this other place for some purpose—I cannot tell why.  But I can report that I have seen, what appears to be at least, some key that is required to open this gateway.  The key seems to be laughter.  I have divined this from the deciphered words of this language some refer to as Riddlesdiculous.  Now, I cannot verify if this means real laughter or perhaps some idiom or analogy for laughter.  It could be a symbolic laughter that represents something else.  But as far as I can tell, laughter, as least they seem to believe, opens some kind of doorway.

For my part, I have done my best to decode some of the script that I found and believe that I have revealed some more of their nefarious lexicon.  I passed them along to my assistant, a graduate student here at Extempory College's Ancient Linguistics Department.  His name is BenJamin P. Johnson.  He, through some careful analysis, has been able to list some of the strange vocabulary and their meanings.  Fortunately, he agreed to do this work on condition that I deliver an unmarked parcel to some Italian gentlemen in south Philadelphia.  But no more of that trivial frivolity!  See below:

There are many secrets to the universe
There are many secrets to the universe

tol n. ‘collective or communal laughter’

tolee adj. ‘comedic, “fun for everyone!”’

achatol n. ‘audience, a place where people laugh together.’

toling n. ‘comedy,’

tolingee adj. ‘comedic, comical.’

tolthing, ooltawnatol n. ‘comedian, joker, one who makes a group laugh.’

tolyuh adj. ‘the one in a group who doesn’t laugh/doesn’t get the joke.’

toleed n. ‘humor, funniness.’

andtol n. ‘laughing, laughter.’

artol n. ‘one of the group who is laughing.’

altol n. ‘a comedy show regular, someone who’s always laughing with people.’

ashlatol n. ‘something used to make people laugh. (a prop, a plot device, something that's funny)’

ootawnatol v.t. ‘to make people laugh.’

fetoling n. ‘a failed joke, a joke that no one laughs at.'

fetolee adj. 'not funny, or not as funny as intended, or funny in a way other than intended, a flop.' (cf. fetoling)

awtoleeng v.i. 'to become funny' (e.g. if a joke isn't really funny at first, but then a later punchline suddenly makes it make sense... kind of a specialized word.)

There also seemed to be a root word of ‘floomeez’ which also showed up quite often, as can be seen below, These words, however, seem to refer to a more generic kind of laughter - risus gratia humoris, if you will - while those above seem to have a more specific purpose, always laughing in a group, toward some nefarious end.

efloomeez – to laugh

endfloomeez – laughing, laughter

erfloomeez – one who laughs/happens to laugh, “laugh-er”

elfloomeez – someone who regularly/always laughs

etfloomeez – laugh, a single laugh/giggle/chuckle, "Hah."

eshlefloomeez – “something used for laughing,” i.e. a joke (or maybe a funny prop of some kind?)

enafloomeez – to laugh along with someone (as opposed to laughing at them)

ootawnefloomeez - to make s.o. laugh

floomeez – laughter

floomeezing – joke

floomeezhaus – "laughing place", comedy club

floomeezyuh – unlaughing, serious, humorless

floomeezingee – comedic, comic

draugefloomeezee – funniest thing ever, side-splitting, etc.

shlaufloomeezee – hilarious

raifloomeezee – really funny

wefloomeezee – kind of funny

floomeezee – funny

mauwefloomeezee – not very funny

mauraifloomeezee – really not funny

maushlaufloomeezee – seriously un-funny

maudraugefloomeezee – dead serious, not at all funny

Thank you for your time, explorers!  I hope that this will lead us to our eventual goal of uncovering the devilish designs of this mysterious order!  But for now, I have to deliver this package as it is almost midnight.  I will speak to you soon!

Conlanger Translations and Brooding Language by

BenJamin “Jamin” P. Johnson, Scott Hamilton, Ryan Long &

Language Creation Society (

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