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This Mysterious tribe MUST be actors!!!

Updated: Jul 22, 2023

As you all are aware, there have been a series of cultish and ineffable inscriptions that have been uncovered all over New Jersey and the lands beyond. These odd writings have been stumbled on in the most curious places; tavern rest rooms, highway rest stops, hotels, restaurants and nudist colonies….no sane man has, as yet, been able to make heads nor tails of it….except for me! My name is Dr. T. Halberd from Extempory College's Ancient Linguistics Department.

Shakespeare the weird

I now have clear evidence, in my possession, that this strange clan of ne’er-do-wells—the ones likely behind these writings, are indeed, traveling thespians of the most disreputable sort! Furthermore, I can prove it!

You see, I was walking into a Wawa convenience store during the lunch time rush (so that I could order my regular buffalo chicken shorty) when I noticed that the touch screen was out of order; furious at this offence, I immediately chastised the acne-covered, green haired, ‘Full-Figured’ woman behind the counter for her incompetence.

As I am a man of some esteem, I demand the respect and service to which I have become accustomed! Therefore, I let wag my fervent tongue dousing her with my rightful castigation's. However, just when I thought her ready to repent, she threw a jalapeno—hitting me straight in the eye…causing me to scream and wet myself. I ran for the restroom, but since it was one of those quaint ‘vintage’ Wawa’s there were none to retreat to. So I decided to cut my losses, buy my food and leave. So I got in line, and opened my coin purse (so I might relieve myself of the many nickels and pennies that I had) and began placing them neatly on the counter. Suddenly, a line of unwashed plebeians began to groan and make comments of the most undignified sort.

After only fifteen minutes, I was able to purchase my meal. Once outside, the angry mob accosted me, beat me up and left me for dead by the dumpster. But that is when I found it!!! Yes! On the side of the dumpster, was taped a flyer with the face of William Shakespeare upon it. I tore it off and on the back I found some strange markings roughly scribbled, and I recognized them immediately as the arcane and bizarre language of faces I had seen before. But after looking closely, I discerned that this was actually a translation of the famous Shakespearian play ‘As You Like It’ but more specifically the poem ‘All the Worlds a Stage’.

Here, let me show you:

Riddlesbrood Worlds a Stage 1
Riddlesbrood Worlds a Stage 1

Riddlesbrood Worlds a Stage 2
Riddlesbrood Worlds a Stage 2

Riddlesbrood Worlds a Stage 3
Riddlesbrood Worlds a Stage 3

As you can see, the English words are on the left, and the strange faces in the middle. But also on the right seems to be a phonetic writing using the Roman alphabet. As you can see this:

Otlai Ezuhled Druhnshoon Awtluht

se Wiliyuhm Shaekspeer

Nool de khogra aeram lodin

Daebuh yawbethe-yi-braubakha ga khogra yi kaadaa

Andlooloo ee aenduhtooroo aeram chee bashe

Daebuh tootlende wawrgil anatot

railed wen aelineke stoo

Skuhluh basheln aeram bae wirede sken

Wendesketleste auplen stikstir ga

Ai aw kawchoo kuhwiln aupit ee awtuhh

Shenga auplen suhnuhb ga ai uhdaeth

Chee rotin

Ee doon finee ai aakesal

Uhkaetoth bashen otlai pelachimik

Maugrootau aastai ruhng ga

Shenga awlnan ga

Ai esar otlai hel

Tichee fleeyot lautle

Au eedaed bashen skau shakeng flilng basheln

Shenga raapthing

Ai aeram raita ese achooloo grate

Daebuh chee huhnad belzeebosee

Bae drikstad khegi

Bae koreg zee-yi-thee

Othool odraet bashen otlai zee

Echi aw detaed zilng

Shenga khooflidthing ga

Chee wogeen tigee-yi-wae

Au otawnawmoolong tichee tuhbaun tlae

Chee loo stehlaa

Ee huhnad au aegimzik otlai neela

Raita ese suhnara zaneepdae

Ee doomoo bine

Ra anatot bashen aelinek ga

Wired ga khlobeddeske oonathal

Shenga railed ga shlauwizle chee heme thlaenamingee

Chee atgenthing thai zeboog

Ee ekar thai waedran

Elzaid basheln yuhneewizledingee

Raiwuhzle aeram hlaud staitlo moolo

Pa elzaidai basheln ai aeyeron

Daebuh hal basheln yawbethee moolo

Aiyoon denoo weeneed chaegee

Ee aeram tluht chee indthleeh

Aw iruhk tona

Tlande iton doom de grate aerenta

Oonathal chaegeed raichdeske ee buhlaak yeetaw

Zrachee thlee, zrachee loo, zrachee bril, zrachee khogragath.

This was what triggered the belief that these people are in fact actors, although certainly of a dangerous and secretive sort. I know this because on the flyer was also a bizarre symbol that i had seen before. I pray you all out there stay away from these strange thespians, or you may find yourself the but of their jokes!



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